


Bittersweet love affair

by live_and_let_live



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Arguments, Blow Jobs, Bottom Ryan Ross, Emotional Sex, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Married Brendon, Modern Era, Past Relationship(s), Porn With Plot, Relationship Negotiation, Ryan and Brendon are still in love, Smut, Top Brendon Urie, healthy open relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-30 00:09:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10148285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_and_let_live/pseuds/live_and_let_live
Summary: Brendon meets an old friend, and after years of not seeing each other, their conversation quickly turns into an argument, it inevitably ends in hot, bittersweet sex.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Cathy for the prompt and motivation :)

Brendon looks at the clock on the wall of the bus, it reads 6:30pm, he has hours until he has to even think about being anywhere important. It's been weeks since Brendon has had this much time on his hands, as thrilling as touring is, it can really take the pep out of your step, and a break like this is exactly what he needs. Ken and Dan have already left to do their own thing, and Dallon is half asleep across from Brendon in his bunk. Brendon kicks his legs up onto his bunk and works out a plan for himself, he'll skype Sarah, grab some food, chill at a bar for a bit, then find a someone for a quick fuck, an awesome evening if he does say so himself. 

He ducks out of his bunk and walks to the lounge area of the bus, pulling his laptop out from under some papers and starting it up. He loads up the Skype app and sends Sarah a message. He loads the Internet and checks some venues while he waits for Sarah to come online. When the green dot appears next to her name he presses call and waits for her to pick up. The call picks up and Sarah's smiling face fills the screen. Brendon smiles back.

"Hey, how's my favourite wife doing?" Sarah smiles wider and laughs, the distance of the call making the audio crackle.

 _"I'd hope I'm your only wife, but with you it wouldn't surprise me"_ Brendon mocks offence.

"My own wife accusing me of adultery? How scandalous." Brendon dramatically presses the back of his hand to his forehead.

 _"Just have to be sure, now what is it you want to talk to me about? It wouldn't be like you to call in the middle of tour at a time like this without reason."_

"I'm offended! Can't I just have a nice conversation with my wife?" Sarah looks at him incredulously.

 _"You wouldn't be the real Brendon if you wanted to do that."_ Brendon laughs.

"Aw, love you too." Sarah rolls her eyes.

_"C'mon, what did you want to talk about? Are you after my permission for a fiery night of passion with somebody other than me?" Brendon shakes his head and laughs._

"You know me too well."

_"I'm your wife, it's my job to know you too well, now I have things to be doing, and by things I mean other guys, assuming I can find one."_

"Knock yourself out, I bet I can find somebody hotter to fuck, your guys are always so mediocre." 

_"Sure, that's what you say every single time babe, good luck in your search, love you."_

"Yeah yeah, love you too, bye.” Brendon ends the call and slides his laptop away, standing up from the bench seat and walking to the bunk areas, sliding Dallons curtain across.

"Hey Dal, you wanna join me? I'm gonna grab some food and go to a bar, see if I can find a fuck, I'll buy you a drink." Dallon groans and turns over.

"I'm staying here and sleeping until I have to move." Brendon sighs and pulls the curtain back across.

He leaves the bunk area and walks to the front of the bus. He taps his half asleep bus driver on the shoulder. He looks up and blinks expectantly at Brendon. 

"I'll be gone for the rest of the evening, don't wait up for me." The bus driver nods and turns his head back, letting his eyes close again. Brendon steps off the bus and hears the door hiss shit behind him. He taps his pockets, checking for his wallet and phone, both of which are in his jeans. Satisfied that he has all he needs, he walks to the street, and begins to look for a burger joint, or anywhere he can find some reasonable food. 

After twenty minutes of walking past several crammed restaurants, he stops outside of a small, fairly unoccupied takeaway place. He's in and out in minutes, burger in hand and satisfied smile on his face. While he eats, he scopes out the area for any lowkey bars, he doesn't want to risk any mainstream places for fear of more than a couple people recognising him. 

He spots a suitable place and walks over, throwing his burger wrapper in a nearby trashcan. He approaches the bouncer who greets him with a nod and motions for him to enter. He heads down the small flight of stairs and pushes open the door, the thudding music greeting him, helping to dislodge his thoughts. A few people are on the dance floor, but most sit around tables, or on the few sofas, chatting and drinking. 

Brendon checks the time, it's 8pm, so the bars and clubs are far from full. He grabs a stool at the bar and orders a whiskey, ready to start the night with a bang. The bartender slides over his drink and he takes a gulp, swirling the remaining liquid around the glass. He looks up at the room and a familiar eye catches his, locking on and staring directly at him. Brendon quickly looks away and downs the rest of his whisky. He begins to stand up, deciding he can search elsewhere for sex, when a hand grips his bicep. He stiffens and turns around, it only takes the feeling of the hand to know who it is. 

"Hey, I haven't seen you in ages man, you haven't been answering any of my texts." Brendon knows, he saw the texts obviously, just didn't want to make that final step and reply.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Brendon turns away from Ryan and orders another whiskey, thinking he may as well if they're gonna do this now. The bartender hands it to him as he pays and Brendon downs most of it in one go. He sighs, not knowing whether he feels angry or upset at the arrival of Ryan. Ryan sighs too.

"I know you may not want to talk to me, or even see me, but we need to talk Brendon, it's been years." Brendon nods sadly.

"Let me buy you a drink, you can talk all you want then." Brendon flags the bartender again and lets Ryan order a drink, sliding the necessary money across the bar. Ryan sips his drink and stares at the ground.

"I've missed you, you know, you didn't even try to make contact with me, or even acknowledge my attempts." Brendon nods, he knows he's an asshole, but in his mind, he's an asshole with reason. His reason being that Ryan had left panic with little to no explanation, putting an immediate end to everything they had. Brendon had left the whole mess with a broken heart and bitter feeling towards his former band mate.

"You're the one who left, you know how much that hurt me." Ryan sighs, staring sadly into his drink.

"I know, trust me I know how much it hurts, leaving hurt me too, but it had to be done." 

"No, it didn't, you could've stayed, and talked to me, and just fucking told me what was wrong instead of running away from your problems, which I don't even know, because you never fucking told me!" 

"Brendon I had to leave, what we were doing was amazing, and I loved every moment, but I couldn't keep doing it knowing it was nothing more than really, really good sex."

"Nothing more? You were everything to me! I loved you and you fucked me over by pissing off to your own little band, dragging Jon with you!" 

"You loved me? Then why every time I tried to cuddle would you push me away? You hated letting me kiss you, I don't know what that was but it sure wasn't love!" By this time their argument had gotten the attention of both the bartender and a few people nearby.

"I didn't want to show affection because I loved you! Every kiss broke my heart because I knew I could never have you forever!" 

"You could've had me forever! For fucks sake Brendon I loved you back then too, hell, I love you now! But you're fucking married! If you weren't I'd say you have me now, but you went and fell in love with somebody that wasn't me, and I can't change that, no matter how much I love you." Brendon sighs. Then he leans forward, and against all his better judgement, presses his lips harshly to Ryan's. Ryan reels back on surprise and splutters. "What the fuck are you doing? Brendon you have a fucking wife!"

"I sure do, and she knows I'm here. What do you think I'm doing in a club? We have sex all the time with other people, it's a good agreement and we both get a good time out of it." Ryan's jaw drops open "Ryan, this is me offering you a fuck, if you want it then I hope you have a hotel room, if not, I'm going to find somebody who doesn't love me, and is quite happy to fuck me and leave me. Ryan shakes his head.

"I'll take it, I'll take you." Brendon laughs. 

"I'll be the one taking. And when I said I'm offering you a fuck, I'm offering sex for as long as you want it, as long as me and Sarah have our agreement. There is one condition. I am always in charge." Ryan gulps and nods.

"I have a hotel room two blocks over." 

They walk to the hotel in a cold silence. Both men are full of heated anticipation, but their residual bitterness taints the atmosphere, anger tinting the edges of the haze in their heads. They walk through reception in silence, the receptionist ignores them, half asleep at his desk. The elevator comes into sight and Brendon speeds up slightly, his brow furrowing as he steps into it. Ryan follows, pressing the button of his floor, and the doors close behind him. 

The tense silence lasts for all of 30 seconds before Brendon is angrily pushing Ryan against the wall of the elevator.

"You leave in the morning on my terms, if you leave me _again_ then I never want to see you again, no contacting me, no texting, the end of the thing I've started. If you choose to stay, if we walk out of this hotel _together_ , then this can continue. You may love me, and I may still love you, but I'm laying down rules here Ryan, because _you_ left, and I'll be damned if I let you leave again." Ryan nods.

"I won't leave." Ryan breathes out slowly as Brendon leans closer, his lips almost touching Ryan's.

"Good." Brendon steps away as the doors open, leaving Ryan standing with his eyes closed, breathing heavily. "Now which room is yours?" 

Ryan starts and opens his eyes, "Room 42," he flushes red and steps briskly past Brendon, walking down the corridor until he reaches a door on the left. He pulls out a keycard from his jeans pocket, and holds it across the sensor. The lock buzzes and Ryan pushes the door open. Brendon quickly follows, pressing a firm hand to the small of Ryan's back as he lets the door close behind him. Brendon stops and grabs Ryan's wrist, tugging him backwards and pulling him into his chest. 

"Get naked." Brendon presses a harsh kiss to Ryan's lips and pushes him away towards the bed. Ryan nods, dazed, before toeing his shoes and socks off and unzipping his jeans. Brendon takes his own shoes off, but stops at that and stares at Ryan. As jeans fall to the floor, and a shirt is pulled of, Brendon stares at the skin revealed. Ryan's hands hesitate at his boxers and Brendon's eyes narrow.

"I said get naked, that means everything comes off, do you want this or not Ryan?" Spurred by his determination and arousal, Ryan angrily pushes his boxers down over his hips, bending down to step out of them. He crosses his arms over his chest and stares at Brendon, who's eyes are wandering down his body, lingering slightly before shooting back up to meet Ryan's. 

"Are you gonna take anything off or not? Because last time I checked, fucking involved two people getting naked, and I don't see much skin." Brendon scoffs.

"Desperate for me to fuck you Ryan? Well I guess I shouldn't keep you waiting." Brendon steps forward and pushes Ryan onto the bed pulling his shirt over his head and climbing on top of Ryan. Ryan's extra height means that his knees are bent to fit on the bed, so Brendon pushes them apart, sliding himself between them and hovering his body above Ryan's. Brendon presses hips down and Ryan scowls.

"Take your jeans off." Brendon presses down harder.

"I give the orders around here, but since you asked so nicely..." Brendon stands up and shimmies out of his his jeans quickly kicking them to the side before returning to his previous position between Ryan's legs. He presses their crotches together again and this time Ryan moans. Brendon leans up to bite and Ryan's neck as their hips thrust together 

"Much better Brendon," Ryan smirks. The scowl on Brendon's face deepens.

"I'll show you much better." Brendon reaches down and pushes his boxers down to his thighs, slowly stroking his cock. He leans up to kiss Ryan messily, biting sharply down onto his lower lip. Ryan moans and bucks his hips up into Brendon's, he's rewarded with a hand wrapping around his dick, pushing it against Brendon's. He thrusts upwards, the raw friction making him gasp into Brendon's mouth. Brendon let's out a breathy laugh, which turns into a moan as Ryan grabs Brendon by the shoulders, pulling him onto his chest

Brendon removes his hand and replaces it with quick thrusts against Ryan's thigh, the precome from Brendon's dick making the slide easier. Ryan mirrors the action, thrusting up into Brendon's thigh until both men are panting, foreheads pressed together. Ryan whines when Brendon pulls away, Brendon smirks through his heavy breathing. 

"Are you gonna get yourself ready for me? I won't wait around all night." Ryan glares at Brendon. 

"I already did, what did you think _I_ was doing in that club?" Brendon glares back.

"Oh, so I suppose your ass comes pre-lubed then?" Brendon smirks and Ryan rolls off the bed, walking over to their discarded clothes and angrily pulling out a packet of lube and a condom, and laying himself back on the bed. He throws the condom at Brendon and opens the lube, spreading half of it over his fingers and moving his hand down between his legs. 

Brendon watches intently as Ryan pushes two fingers into himself, eyes snapping shut and mouth falling open. Brendon takes his cock in his hand and slowly strokes the tip with his thumb, as he watches Ryan's fingers disappear into his ass. Ryan lifts his hips and pushes another finger into himself, curling the three fingers against himself. 

Brendon leans forwards to take Ryan's dick into his mouth, running his tongue down the shaft. Ryan moans and bites his lip, his hips lifting off the bed further, fingers curling more frantically inside himself. Brendon pulls off and bites Ryan's hip. Ryan whines and moves his free hand to grasp his dick. Brendon grabs his wrist firmly and pulls it away, sitting up of his knees and smirking.

"I think that's enough Ryan, my fun hasn't even started yet, wouldn't want to end this early would we?" Ryan reluctantly removes his fingers, wiping them off on the sheets and passing Brendon the half empty packet of lube to Brendon. Brendon tears the condom packet open and rolls it into himself, taking the lube from Ryan to spread half on his dick and the rest over Ryan's ass, swiping his thumb upwards to spread it over his hole. Ryan moans and pushes his ass into Brendon's thumb. Brendon moves his hand away and grabs his dick, stroking it twice before running the head over Ryan's hole, pushing gently. Ryan pushes back again, and Brendon moves his his backwards, making Ryan chase his movement with his hips. 

"Don't try that with me Ryan, you know who's in charge here," Brendon slowly returns his hips to their previous position as Ryan lowers his own hips. The head of his dick presses against Ryan's hole, harder this time. Brendon forces himself forward, pressing into Ryan. Ryan gasps and fights to keep his hips pressed into the sheets, eager to keep Brendon from stopping. Brendon pauses, dick half buried in Ryan's ass. He leans forward over Ryan and braces himself with arm next to Ryan's head. He trails his free hand up Ryan's body, scratching his blunt nails harshly over Ryan's torso, leaving pink tracks in their wake. 

"You can move, Brendon," Ryan breathes out, his thighs parting further to slide Brendon deeper. Brendon chuckles and leans to lick Ryan's jaw, his hand finding a home in Ryan's hair. Brendon pulls Ryan's head backwards to give himself more space to work as his teeth bite and scrape at Ryan's neck. He chuckles against the light stubble of Ryan's jawline as he brings his face level with Ryan's.

"You think I don't know that? I'm dragging this out Ryan, you'll be begging for me to stay when I'm done with your pretty ass." Brendon punctuates his statement with a harsh thrust of his hips, that buries his dick completely within Ryan. Ryan's mouth falls open and a low moan breaks from his lips. Brendon chases the sound with his lips, with his tongue. Ryan moans against Brendon's mouth as Brendon's hips pull back and snap forward, jolting their bodies on the bed.

Brendon continues his sharp thrusts, keeping them static and far apart. A low sound is torn from Ryan's throat at each punctuated slide into his ass. Brendon drops his forehead to Ryan's shoulder, sinking his teeth into the flesh, licking a line across the indents he leaves. He knows with each thrust he's falling a little bit more in love with Ryan again, so he compensates by leaving marks, painful reminders to Ryan of what could've been had he not fucked everything up all those years ago. Nails scraping down his back drag him back into the reality of the situation, the push of his hips into Ryan's, his dick sliding wetly in and out of Ryan, Ryan breathing out his name over and over as his body is pushed into the sheets of the bed. 

Ryan's nails finish their decent to the base of Brendon's spine, digging in harshly and pushing Brendon's hips downwards, seeking a deeper angle. Brendon notices the pressure and decides he can give Ryan this, if Ryan deserves anything, laid out panting on a rented hotel bed, it's for Brendon to fuck his like he means is, fuck his like he loves him. Brendon pushes his hips harder into Ryan, his dick sliding deeper as the force of his thrusts make Ryan's hips bounce from the bed to meet his own. 

Brendon feel himself getting closer, so he slows his thrusts, pulling of Ryan's ass and sitting up. Ryan whines and makes noises of protest, but before he can form words to complain, Brendon is stood at the foot of the bed, brows furrowed, and is pulling Ryan towards him by the hips. He lines his dick back up with Ryan's ass and pushes in, leaving a few seconds for Ryan to adjust before his thrusts pick up a rapid pace. Brendon grips Ryan's hips and brings them down to meet his own with every harsh thrust. Ryan's whines and moans grow louder, and his hands grip the sheets, thighs falling apart to accommodate the new position. Brendon leans to wrap a arm around Ryan and pull his body upwards. Ryan braces his arms behind him and uses the extra leverage to grind himself downwards onto Brendon's dick, he almost meets Brendon's thrusts, but his timing is thrown out of balance with the stuttering rhythm of Brendon's hips. 

Brendon can feel himself drifting closer to the edge once again, so he leans forwards to wrap his arms around Ryan's shoulders, laying them back down. He looks down at Ryan to see him staring back, tears falling down his cheeks, his eyes glistening with sadness and arousal. Brendon's resolve breaks and he kisses Ryan with all he has, softly licking at Ryan's bottom lip as Ryan's tears stain his cheeks. Before long, Brendon's tears are sliding down their cheeks, pressed together in the bittersweet heat. Brendon's hips stutter and Ryan let's out a choked gasp, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Open your eyes Ry, look at me, please, just fucking look at me," Brendon chokes out a groan as Ryan opens his eyes again. Brendon drinks in the warm brown, remembering how Ryan would always look at him like that. It might be the memories of Ryan from years before, of sweet kisses between two innocent boys, or it might be Ryan's ass clenching around him, muscles drawing him closer with every movement of his hips, but soon enough Brendon finds himself cumming. He presses his mouth to Ryan's and desperately bites at the tender flesh. 

Ryan shudders at the warmth, and forces his hips down harder, his ass smacking against Brendon's hips as he tries desperately to reach his own climax. Brendon reaches down to take Ryan's dick into his hand, rapidly fisting, thumb stroking over the head on every other upward stroke. Ryan moans and clenches his ass again, sending a wave of overstimulation through Brendon's dick. Brendon moves his mouth down to nip behind Ryan's ear, and Ryan's hips stutter forward twice before he stills and pushes down roughly onto Brendon, dick twitching and spilling onto Brendon's hand. Brendon continues to thrust slowly in and out of Ryan, keeping his hand moving until Ryan squirms.

Brendon pulls out of Ryan, peeling of the condom and walking over to the bin to throw it away. He picks up some tissues on his way aback to the bed, where Ryan is still laying, a blissed out smile on his face. He crawls over Ryan and wipes the cum from his stomach and lube from his inner thighs. He doesn't bother getting up to throw out the tissue, tossing it behind him before lying half on top of Ryan.

"Was that good enough for you Bren?" Ryan's voice is tinged with sadness, so Brendon removes his face from Ryan's shoulder to look at him. A lone tear rolls down Ryan's cheek, dripping sideways onto the sheets. Brendon's gaze softens and he brings both of them, further up the bed, throwing the top cover over their bodies. Ryan curls closer to Brendon and the tears fall freely into Brendon's chest. Brendon wraps his arms arms Ryan's shoulders and pulls him closer. 

"We'll work something out Ry, I promise, I'll talk to Sarah about this, I don't think she'll mind, she loves me and I love her, but I still love you." Ryan's breath catches and he lifts his head from Brendon's chest. His eyes meet Brendon's and his hand moves up to cup Brendon's jaw. Brendon leans into his touch.

"I still love you too," Ryan brings their lips together and softly explores all of what is Brendon, licking into his mouth and threading his fingers through the hair at the nape of Brendon's neck. They continue to kiss, softly whispering words for lost years. When they fall asleep, they curl into each other, legs weaving together. 

When morning comes and Brendon opens his eyes, Ryan is still asleep beside him.


End file.
